Yep…We Got A Dog!
*Let me preface this by stating I am not a therapist, psychologist or doctor to be able to diagnose being depressed, and I use the term loosely with my post. I have not been diagnosed as being depressed. I am stating feelings of depression and sadness due to the beginning of the pandemic and urge anyone with severe depression to seek professional help.
Like I said in a previous post, I am all over the place these days! I won’t apologize for it either because none of this is normal! The shutdown isn’t normal, teaching our kids at home while trying to work and maintain our sanity isn’t normal and wearing masks everywhere isn’t normal. It’s just not.
When the initial shut down began I was still going to work because I am an essential worker. I was leaving my boys home to figure out how to manage the remainder of the school year with packets that were sent out and occasional virtual meetings. It was all brand new so I was getting a lot of calls and texts with questions from either my son or fiancé on questions of how to do what when I couldn’t physically be there to help out. It was frustrating because I wanted to be there to just walk our son through his work, I wanted to help give my fiancé a break so he could focus on conference calls, I wanted to scream because I wish it was easy to figure out, I wanted to cry because he should have been in school, I wanted to just break down because I was feeling lost. I was torn because I wanted to be home with my family but scared because I needed to work.
Every day seemed exhausting and emotional. I was not myself, but I don’t think a lot of moms were themselves. We were freaking the f*ck out wondering what does this mean? Was I was going into a depression or feeling sadness more often then not? I wasn’t smiling as much, I wasn’t chipper or happy like usual. It’s scary to hear when the person you love and are closest with sees you not being yourself and feels helpless. My fiancé felt helpless in those moments and it was hard for me to just hear that. It wasn’t his fault, it wasn’t mine, we couldn’t control what was happening around us and I was scared. Scared of the unknown we were facing and what our son was experiencing and seeing unfold for what we would know to become history in books.
Knowing that this was something we were going to be experiencing and living in, we were coming to the realization that we just have to figure it out and roll with the punches. We always talked about getting a dog once we had our house. Before Covid-19 we were looking for our dream house. We had our eyes set on something that didn’t end up working out, and looking back we believe that it wasn’t our time. There was a reason our dream house didn’t happen as easy and quick as we wanted to. The pandemic gave us a whole new perspective on what we should invest in and what we should hold off on. So, we decided to hold off. That meant explaining we will be holding off even longer for a dog. Our boy really wanted a dog, and not so secretly, I did too.
My fiancé started to say to me maybe we should just get a dog. Even being in an apartment…his thoughts were that a dog would help bring some joy into the dark times we were living in. I was super hesitant in the beginning when we would go back and forth on the thoughts. But he convienced me it would be ok. He said it would be good for me. And it would be good for our boy who couldn’t be out or play with his friends. Fast forward to Fourth of July and we became a party of four with a brand new Merle French Bulldog we named Kobe (@merlethefrenchiekobe if you want to see some cuteness).
Everyone has different coping mechanisms when it comes to being sad, depressed and emotional. Some reach out to therapists, some shop, some cry, some drink, some don’t even know what to do. This year, my sadness and depressive moments because of Covid-19 and the pandemic lead us to a puppy that is always happy, maybe too much sometimes haha! My whole point of this is that I was able to be upfront with admission of my feelings and work through pulling myself out of it, with the help of my best friend and partner that knows me the best and will not stop until I am happy. He is always wanting to help me be better for me first.
I hope that all the moms that are struggling have the support I have because it makes a world of a difference when trying to manage it all. And for the ones that don’t, please don’t be afraid to just find someone that will listen to you, that’s compassionate with your feelings and emotions. I have a few great friends in my corner, an amazing man, family that supports me…but there’s something about a mom that’s in a similar situation as you are in during these trying times that will make you feel at ease about the emotions you are having right now. We are in this together, and we will get through this leaning on each other!
The Expressive Mom 