21 Nov Part 5 -Inside The Thoughts Of A SAHM
The Wrap Up From My Series
Over the past 4 weeks I have been blessed to have three amazing mommas from different backgounrds allow me to feature them on my blog for the series Inside The Thoughts Of A SAHM on ways they view being a stay-at-home mom. Since becoming a SAHM myself it’s been a roller coaster of emotions, thoughts, views, assumptions and on and on and on. This series has made me as well as other mommas feel more seen and heard than ever. And I will explain in my recap of some of the sensitive topics stay-at-home moms might face.
Isolation – How can a mom who’s home all the time feel isolated? That can’t be possible right? WRONG! There is a lot of love poured into being home and the joy it brings us mommas because we continue to give our undivided attention to our families, but where does that leave us when they are at work and school or out doing what they need to do? That leaves us home, in our own thoughts and minds. In our own feelings, most of the time with no one to talk to because everyone is busy. We are alone, we don’t have meetings to go to, people to laugh with, reasons to get dressed up. Sometimes it’s ok because we like being in the comfort of our own homes, but there are times we wish we had a reason to dress and mingle.
Imbalance – The struggle to self-care and care for others is a constant back and forth. It’s not always easy, even when the intentions are there. We are constantly faced with images of what a “bounce back” should look like, what a SAHM should look and dress like, how perfect everything is placed from the way our hair falls to the trinkets in the house, to the perfect background of our photos. From the time we wake up we are assisting everyone else first, most of the time our wants play a back seat, and we aren’t complaining about it, that’s just naturally what we do, but sometimes we need to remember we matter just as much. There are a lot of moms that might have a better grip on being balanced and that’s amazing, and there are some that are constantly looking to find the balance, or at least feel that we are consistent with our motives to balance ourselves and our loved ones. The tug a war is real and is not always easy.
Self-Judgement – In a society where social media is the “bible”, sometimes we get clouded and start to question our own worth. We look at others and compare, we wonder if what we are doing is less than par, we overall judge ourselves harder than ever before. I’m a momma over 40, so back when I was growing up we didn’t have all these social media platforms to consume our brain. And then when we did, back in the “Myspace” days, if feels like we weren’t as hard on ourselves and compared ourselves nearly as much as we do now. It was just fun way to stay connected to friends and just be who we naturally were. This does not seem to be the case at all now. The constant need to be or look perfect, the sex appeal has become increasingly overwhelming and sometimes borderline uncomfortable. Yes, it’s up to us to block it out and not let it affect us I will admit, but that doesn’t mean it’s always that simple.
Societies Expectations – Stay-at-home moms have just as many high expectations as working moms, it’s like we aren’t doing enough ever! A totally relatable mom by the name of Sarah posted a few years ago a rant about the expectations society puts on moms and what we should be doing. There are also other posts, similar to my series, about stay-at-home moms, the judgements, expectations, ideas etc…A boy mom, who’s name just happens to be Sarah also wrote about her views and thoughts. The more we talk about it, the easier it is for us to accept and then figure out how to talk about navigating these crazy society expectations instead of just complaining about them. We must continue to project out there how real our lives are, how we cope with the challenges, how we embrace the blessings and how we are always looking for the right balance.
Empathy & Compassion – Sometimes stay-at-home moms don’t feel like we get the empathy and compassion at the times we really need it most. The idea that because we are “lucky” and blessed to be in our position has many believing that we don’t have bad days, we aren’t emotional, we aren’t overwhelmed, we aren’t lonely, we aren’t a lot of things that sometimes we are! Instead we are faced with attitudes, frustration, confusion and lack of concern when we have our moments. Our moments are just that – OUR moments and it should be taken that serious. Sometimes we want to be showed compassion instead of frustration, sometimes we want empathy when we are getting confusion, sometimes we just want the comfort of feeling ok having our moments. When people go to work they don’t always have great days, their meetings don’t always go as expected, sometimes they can’t even communicate when they are just having an off day, they just have it and move on. It’s no different for stay-at-home moms. We have off days too and we would love to get some compassion for that instead of being judged at the moment we might be having it. We might want to hear “sorry you’re having a rough time” or sorry things aren’t working the want you would want them to, heck maybe just a hug or a small gesture would help in that moment. There’s this notion that because we are just stay-at-home moms we don’t have any real challenges or hurdles. We welcome the empathy and compassion because sometimes we are so focused on giving it, others don’t think to give it back to us.
In conclusion, being a stay-at-home mom so many of us are grateful for, appreciate and embrace, and as rewarding as it is, sometimes we are faced with challenges too…just in a different way. The more we communication and express so others can be made aware of, the better it will be for us in the long run. There’s no easy job, whether it’s at home or out in the work force. All we can do is lean on each other, embrace the madness and express our emotions in a way that will be received by others.
Don’t forget while you are being caring and compassionate with your families, be the same with yourselves. Our jobs are hard in it’s own way.