Why do us mommas…better yet, women, judge ourselves so harshly?
I was literally sitting in the tub, and was hearing nothing but complete silence. Sometimes this is Amazing because I feel like I can actually hear myself think! Other times I am completely useless, I’m not going to lie. Ok, back to the point of being able to relax in the tub without hearing “Mom, Mom, Mom, Mommy” or having a panting dog staring at me creepily. I started thinking about how I, as a mom, judge myself compared to other moms. And I still try to figure out why, why do I keep doing this? What is the point?
As a woman, naturally we tend to have “moments” of insecurities, judgements against ourselves, judgement on ourselves in comparison to other women/moms. I can’t and won’t apologize for my moments, I have learned to understand moments when it happens and can accept it is a part of my flaws. It’s up to me to figure out why I have those moments and what can I do to change it. Would I have said that last sentence 5/10 years ago…probably not. But over the years, growing as a woman and mother there are certain things I am learning to navigate through. It may not be easy but at least I can say I am trying.
I am also trying to not judge myself against other moms that are online I see. Some where all their photos and quotes or postings seem so perfect. From the perfectly cooked meals, to bodies that seem to have no ounce of fat with all kinds of skin baring out with big booty’s and tatas in full display. Photos of friends getting together, poppin’ bottles like there’s no pandemic and no care in the world, kids that have all hairs in place, that don’t look dirty or mean muggin’. Family photos everyone is excited to take that are perfectly staged like they were torn right out of a magazine. Just every freaking thing is perfect. It’s annoying right?…Or is that just me?
Those are just my thoughts because I know what my normal is, what my day to day outfit looks like, and it’s not from Neman Marcus or Saks Fifth Ave., it’s more like baggy sweats from Walmart that my better half can’t stand. I laugh typing this but it’s so true. Don’t get me wrong, I can get dolled up and look fly (I do have it in me somewhere) but 90% of the time right now there’s no need to get dressed up, cover up the bags with concealer, straighten or curl my hair, find the flyest pair of pumps to put on. I just don’t have a reason. At least that’s the way I was feeling in the beginning of just being home all the time. My reason for comfy workout pants are to run around the house and manage a 3rd graders google class meets, walk the dog, do laundry, clean the bathrooms, wash dishes, sweep, mop and cook meals. Don’t take that as a rant because I absolutely love being a mother, a spouse and better half, a dog mom, a supporter and nurturer. I feel this truly is my purpose. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
But then I started to think and analyze why am I comparing myself to other moms that to me look like “hot” moms…Moms that get all the likes and followers, moms that have all their sh*t together. The bragging about their successful businesses, the family portraits, the selfies, the perfectly cooked meals. Why do I even care! Why is it making me feel this way? Why am I jugging myself compared to them, I am my own person. They don’t even know I am comparing myself to them. Thats the even crazier part…right?! Then one day I literally had a ahhh haaaa moment. I realized I stopped making myself feel good by not taking care of ME. I started slacking on my appearance, not taking a moment to put some foundation and a little blush on, find other clothes in the closet I could put on besides the same old go to items.
So I started to change it and do just that. I began finding reasons to dress up a little more. I started putting on heels just to take a picture in with the dog in it to post on his page (@merlethefrenchiekobe shameless plug I know). I don’t care if I am just in the house, once I started putting a little bit more effort into myself, I started to feel a little bit better on the inside. My overall demeanor and attitude just changed for the better after I started putting that effort into myself. To look back and see how neglecting self care can possibly have been a contributing factor and influenced my judgmental ways is just not the way to go.
I am no way saying I practice this all the time and now I am perfect because of one ahh haa moment. Hell no! I am just getting started. I am still rolling my eyes at these half naked moms that post all the perfect phots but are probably not in real life. I am still doubting myself, questioning myself, criticizing myself. But the difference now is that I am trying to be more cognizant of those moments, and thinking and doing things to make me feel better. Sometimes it’s as simple a little concealer and powder, sometimes it’s a pair of heels, sometimes it’s flowers, sometimes it’s even a nice hot bath with Calgon and a 24k gold eye mask.
Working on my new blog has given me a new energy I wasn’t expecting but I am truly loving the connection that’s happening with other moms in similar situations. I think when we express our frustrations, our joys, our fears and thoughts with each other it gives us a sense of relief knowing we are not alone in this. Building my network with this site and my @theexpressivemom instagram page makes me happy, gives me something else to think about besides school work, housework and the rest of the day to day. I am looking forward to sharing what other moms are doing as well to stay busy, active and promote passions. Let’s do this Mommas!